|Photo By: +Matthew Martindale|
Yesterday I was totally consumed by stress. I literally couldn’t talk to or be around people because I was painfully aware that the terrible energy I had was contagious and that made me feel worse. So may things were suffocating me. Money has been really tight, I felt like my ideas were pretty useless, and overwhelmed by things from work that I didn’t understand. I had skipped class again and felt guilty, my goals seemed really unattainable despite all my effort and my future very uncertain.
I felt like I was “not quite failing”.
Not a total failure yet but definitely on the way.
Doing well, but not good enough.
I was doubting myself.
I prayed a lot. I snapped at my mom over the phone. I isolated myself, then asked for help. I drove to teach and smiled when Madonna came on the Radio. I went to sleep and then woke up.
Today was a new day. I woke up at 8 am to get to a 10am photo shoot an hour away. I scheduled it a week or two ago.
I came out of it with a new necklace and an offer for a few paid gigs with them in November to shoot their new line . Roughly $200. Each.
Then I had a phone meeting with the founder of Free To Run in the aisles of the produce & pasta sections of the grocery store. I recently became an ambassador for them! (Check it out Here: https://freetorunfoundation.org/2016/10/03/our-new-ambassador/ ) We were discussing ideas and next steps to take for my involvement. Ideas were bubbling out of me like a freshly opened bottle of champagne and couldn’t believe that I didn’t have a pen and paper in my basket.
“Yes, we have a small budget to work with if you want to produce some professional content.” Brett told me. OMG I CAN HIRE PEOPLE?!
Then something hit me. Right there next to the tomatoes.
I’m good at this.
I’m becoming what I wanted to be and for the first time I could clearly envision my job in the next 5-20 years. “Opportunity Producer” was definitely it. Being someone who connects people, builds projects and provides opportunity…. 🙂
Sometimes I feel like a dog following a scent trail. This conversation was what I needed to define myself a little bit better. I found another clue pointing to the next dreams/scent to chase.
I was loading my groceries in my car when Brett and I wrapped up our conversation. “Well,” he said “I’m glad after months of waiting, I finally emailed you. I’m happy to have you on board.” “Honestly, If you had emailed me any sooner, I don’t know if we would be talking right now. You caught me in the perfect moment. I finally have kind of figured out what I’m doing!” I responded.
Later on, I went to the local coffee shop and ran into Scott. Scott is the area director for Young Life and I knew him from when I went through leadership training. We sat there and caught up and we talked about how God fit into everything and how pursuing things is pointless unlesss you have a deeper purpose. That’s what we came down to. Even the richest, most “successful” people can be miserable. The things that give us life and fulfilment are the dreams we chase and the people we love along the way.
This is how I see it. you have to work hard, really hard, but you don’t have to work alone. You work hard while being rooted in faith love and wisdom, and build the foundation that allows other opportunities to come into your life. You build the door together with God, so he can walk through it and visit you later.
I realized today that everything that happened, was on His time. He had a plan the whole time for me and it was my obedience in following my heart that we could get there.
God made your heart, following it is never wrong.
My day ended with an email from someone that works for The Megaphone (Southwestern University’s News Paper) asking to interview me, and a video chat with two of the coolest young ladies on the planet reminding me that they love me.
Recognition. Plans. Trust. Love.
All Powerful and amazing.
My God Loves in abundance.
I hope this post turnd out to be as insightful as I hoped. Today was truly special because I realized I have a purpose, my hard work will pay off without a doubt and I feel like I’m not alone. I will not give up. I will be exactly who I want to be – exactly who God intended me to be. And it will be great.
“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. ” Galatians 6:9