Transtition Thoughts

Still Image captured from @ShangChueng moving portratit
Original is on my profile!

The new year is rollin out and 2016 is rollin out and all of my thoughts are rollin all over the place.

I got a flutter of magical affirmation of God’s presence in my life yesterday. Just enough to make me look at this incoming year, and the past one, through a whole different lens.

As some of you may know, either through my IG posts, or blog posts, or just listening to me cry in person, I’ve had a lot of pain this year, a lot of hard lessons learned, a lot of stress and anxiety about the future. And as a result of this pain, SOOO much more goodness has entered my life.

Yesterday I realized that it is so much less about having everything figured out, and so much more about trusting blindly. Faith.

This year challenged my faith in myself, my dreams and my work, but God has always pulled through.
This is not to say I won’t face similar challenges again – I just think God left me on a really good note.

Let’s review the past year:

1. I was afraid to study abroad because I didn’t want to be set back in my dancing and then spent 2 months in Spain, built really close friendships and improved my Spanish, and learned the importance of rest AND grew as a dancer in ways I’d never be able to do at home.
2. My car was totaled by a drunk driver a which triggered my depression and put me in bed for a week, a month behind on school and emptied the bank and then was blessed with a nearly brand new car, was reminded of the importance of family, and re-learned the importance of rest.
3. I became an ambassador for Free To Run
4. I published a book
5. I felt directionless in pursuit of my passions so I started building my own business and found a mentor for grant writing.
6. I stressed ridiculous amounts over the video I released today but now I can say that I produced, directed, danced in, and edited my first dance video, started learning Premiere pro, about teambuilding, editing and was reminded of how much my dad rocks.
7. I suffered a pretty big blow after the dance community in Austin started tearing in half I felt like I had lost a family but in their absence, I developed a full blown passion for artistry and respect for my relationship with creativity and then realized they never left me in the first place. <3
8. I started 7 books (at least) and finished 1 of them 🙂
9. I went to LA by myself 2x with absolutely zero plans and made really special friendships.
10. I went to NYC 3 times and met up with the founder of Conscious mag. <3
11. I pushed the bar to a whole new level in my modeling work, TWO times in the past year.
12. I felt like my passions were pointless and then began to turn my hobbies into profit.
13. I became a mentor for multiple young girls and a young boy.
14. I created a team and then let it fall apart and learned a lot in the process.
15. I felt self-conscious and hurt when people didn’t understand or didn’t like things I shared or made, but then I began to learn how to love my work for me, and let go of other people’s opinions (Still learning that one)
16. I cried over and over again, consumed with anxiety for the future and then remembered how very very very much I have to be grateful for.
17. I entertained a dysfunctional & toxic relationship, felt totally stuck in it, and then by the grace of God, found my balance again and moved on. Completely.

A lot of the things on this list came with a pretty intense amount of suffering, but in retrospect, I see how much this pain has taught me, and how each suffering or loss I had made way for something so much bigger and brighter and wonderful.

I really do believe that a lot of things will blow up this year, in a good way. I mean after all, I am graduating in May of 2017, and I believe this past year has been really preparing me to take on a lot of greatness next year.

So if you’re someone who believes 2016 was total shit, don’t worry. It was preparation for something beautiful to come. and if you haven’t figured it out yet, keep your heart and eyes open, because it will. It always does.

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