|Quote from Sophie Kwok|
If you’ve kept up with my blog over the years, you know that one of my biggest struggles is rest.
I don’t know how to pace myself and I don’t know how to rest.
Well actually, I do know how to rest.
You’re supposed to sleep or enjoy life and nature or read a book just for fun or watch a movie or do anything so you do NOT THINK ABOUT WORK.
I just chose not to rest because I feel guilty when I know I have other things I need to do.
And then if I don’t want to do those things I end up in this weird state where I’m not doing anything and feeling guilty, anxious, and stressed for not doing those things. Which makes me want to tackle my to do list even less.
And I know I am definitely not alone in that.
This whole week has been really weird for me. Last Sunday I went to a dance class and in the middle of a big beautiful leap, I felt my hip pop. Something literally popped out of place while I was in the air. I landed and could barely walk. I took a minute to stretch and massage it then jumped back into class AND continued on to take another. I figured it was just a strain. I went to my friend’s house after to ice it. She looked at me and said “You probably need to just take this week to rest.” She had mentioned it to me before and I didn’t want to because I stressing about how I had nothing to do. But I realized I couldn’t do anything anyway now with my hip pain so I took the advice.
I spent the entire week in bed. I watched the last 3 seasons of the 100 on Netflix (obsessed by the way) and ate a bunch of chocolate.
There were a few times where I’d walk away from my laptop and say “urgh I should be reading a book right now” or “maybe I should write some emails” but I’d stress about it for a total of 30 seconds before I’d open my laptop back up and forget about it.
I had no energy or desire to create, work or DO ANYTHING.
It took a week of this lack of inspiration to finally let go. Then on Friday, I took my Hammock to the park.
I sat in my hammock for the first time since I received it in April as a birthday gift.
Part of the reason it’s taken me 2 months to use it is because I didn’t trust it.
If you’ve ever seen how an Enu hammock is set up then you know what I’m talking about it.
If not, it’s sketchy.
I don’t understand it.
What you do is throw your rope around the tree and stick one end of the rope through a loop and then attached the carabiner to it and pray that the rope doesn’t slide down the tree when you sit in the hammock.
It never does, but I think about it as if the 3 feet between my butt and the ground might kill me.
The point is, I had to trust it. I had to trust that the rope & the hammock would do what they are designed to do. And they did.
And then as I laid in my hammock, I had an epiphany.
If I believe that I was created for the specific purpose I am chasing, I have to give myself a little grace.
If my Creator created me for something, I have to trust that I will do what I am designed to do. Just like the rope and the hammock. They don’t worry about doing their job. I mean obviously cause they are inanimate objects, so I can worry for them but that doesn’t help either. My worry ended when my trust began. And they did what they were designed to do.
My friend Sophie and I were chatting about this issue of rest & the anxiety that comes from the pressure we put on ourselves as business people/ entrepreneurs/ artists. She told me that “Grace will take you where the hustle can’t”.
I realized this week that I need to give myself more Grace & that I should be focusing on the Grace that God gives me when I am stressed.
Because you know what happened after my 5 full days in bed and then my afternoon in the hammock?
I was inspired to study my GoogleAdwords textbook. And after spending an hour with it I scheduled my very first marketing workshop to lead a team through exercises to help clarify and give direction to their business.
Then I went to church, finished writing this blog post, and feel like I am energized to tackle some big things on my to-do list this week.
I am back to doing what I was created to do.
I’m ready to hustle again in ways I would have never had the inspiration to do if I had not first given myself some Grace.