Recounting past lovers of ancient days
Whose remnant love left me in a rushed dark haze
Some of these memories,
Are hard to digest
Especially when one
seems just like the rest.
My heart shrinks, my arteries burst
My body feels drained
My heart overwhelmed
It seems that nothing will change
I feel alone in my sorrow
The only one in my boat
My soul feels lost in space
& my body afloat.
But I realize it’s not darkness around me
It’s the hand of my maker
A voice says aloud,
“This is my child, let me shape her”
As my body drifts in currents of stars
His hands work as he whispers
“This is what you are” A beautiful gift, a warm light,
Nothing will shake her
A woman of force, a bright soul,
a power of nature
A gentle smile with big dreams
She is a human worth
much more than she seems.
Here is the breakdown of this poem & what it means:
The beginning part sets the stage. The poem came to me after talking & laughing with a friend as I shared funny ex boyfriend & dating stories. Like how every single one of my college boyfriends ended up dropping out or in the hospital for some kind of mental illness.
“Especially when one
seems just like the rest.”
Points to a recent dating situation I had that showed me a new pattern that I have developed recently in my love life that is equally embarrassing & painful.
I continues to talk about this feeling in the next few stanza’s but then at stanza 8 something shifts & God comes into the pictures.
His hands shaping me is really how my faith has already redefine my identity. That my relationships don’t need to be rooted in brokenness anymore.
The rest of the poem I wrote to remind myself of the truths that I’ve forgotten after the lies that brokenness has led me to believe.
That I am loved & I am worth it.
It’s to remind me that even though a boy chose to disregard my humanity, it doesn’t strip me of my right to deserve it.