Today my therapist asked me:
“What are you most scared of happening if your business fails?”
He prepared to write my answer on the whiteboard, steadying the grip on the expo marker.
“That everyone will think I’m a fraud”
He turned around and looked at me.
His eye widened.
“Wow. I wasn’t expecting that. That breaks my heart to hear.” He wrote it down.
Cue the tears.
Seeing that sentence written on the board reminded me of something that happened during my first year of college. Essentially, a group of girls who didn’t even KNOW me had accused me of doing something I didn’t do. They acted sweet and friendly to my face and then talked about me behind my back for the rest of the semester.
When I found out what was happening I was humiliated. Suddenly it felt very unsafe to be me, and so I put on a mask, metaphorically speaking – like everyone does at some point in their lives, and distanced myself from people at school.
I didn’t even realize how much that experience had impacted me until today. And it makes sense. It was my biggest fear coming true.
I’m a 3 on the enneagram. Three’s are often called “The Performers.” We are characterized by our ability to be a chameleon in social settings, and by our insatiable desire to achieve. Both of those traits are awesome – but they are often fueled by the fear that we won’t be loved for who we are; so we over-perform.
But that’s not where my story ends – what’s really wild is that when that semester ended, I met my first mentor, Will. I’ve talked about him before and the incredible impact he’s had on my life, and I will probably talk about it for the rest of my life.
He was someone who took one look at me and saw me for ME. He saw all of my potential and my power and my passion for helping others before I could see it in myself, and he supported and believed in me to achieve my dreams. Like me, me. The real me. The me I was afraid people would see and not like.
Flash forward to yesterday – I was sitting in my business mastermind group earlier this week frustrated. I joined the group to have extra support with the launch of this brand new Leadership Program called “Lead With Light” that my biz partner, Rayna, and I have spent the past 6 months creating.
I was frustrated because we were focused on marketing and I couldn’t figure out WHY I created the program or even WHO I created it for, which is a MAJOR mistake in business – don’t make things without SOME SERIOUS MARKET RESEARCH!
But I couldn’t help it!!! Something told me to create it!! I knew deep in my heart that this program had significance and would add major value to people’s lives but I didn’t understand WHY.
And then after my therapy session, it clicked.
I want to SEE you. The real you. Like Will saw me, and I want to help YOU see that who you really are is absolutely ENOUGH. I want to BELIEVE in you so that you can step up to the plate and confidently be who you were born to be. I want to believe in you so you can believe in yourself.
I want you to feel seen, supported & loved.
I want to see my students & stand for them.
But most importantly, I want to give them the skills to do the SAME thing for other people.
If you’re curious about the program , click the image below to find out more!