I feel stuck in “the in-between”.
Somewhere in the “upside-down”
Or maybe just caught in the rain.
Last week was my dads birthday and next week is the first anniversary of his death.
It’s been a weird week with a lot of feelings. And I’m anticipating these emotions to overflow into a tsunami throughout the coming week.
At the same time, I’m really excited and celebrating the birth of this business (Letters to My Little Sisters is OFFICIALLY a registered LLC as of last Tuesday btw! She’s a Taurus!)
But I find myself feeling guilty about the joy, because there is this dark cloud over everything and I know the rainfall is coming.
Yesterday, I was in a meeting with Rayna who is a course partner and co-host for LTMLS. Before we started she said: “I know next week is going to be hard for you. Is there anything I can do to support you?”
I told her that I didn’t know, but that I was disappointed to have a dark cloud over such an exciting time for the business.
She gently reminded me that alllllll of these feelings can exist simultaneously.
I can celebrate and grieve at the same time.
I can be excited about one thing and angry at another at the same time.
I can find joy in some things and feel hopeless about others at the same time.
All of these powerful emotions can exist simultaneously, and one does not diminish the other.
There’s room for both.
Neither is wrong or right.
Her words meant the world to me and it felt appropriate to share now, during this time, when many of us are hurting or feeling divided and conflicted about the things we see, feel, and experience. Many of us are already in the rain.
Being happy about the start of my new business does not in any way lessen how much I miss my dad or how shocking his death was.
It stands on its own.
It exists as another thing that brings emotion up in me.
Sometimes even the rain will fall while the sun is still shining. Even the sky experiences two seemingly opposite things at once.
But maybe these feelings aren’t meant to oppose each other, maybe they are meant to work together.
Maybe they are to remind us that we still have work to do.
We still have something to live for.