Tonight I met up with my friend Galit to do some work.
I’ve been really excited lately about writing my new book, Letters to My Little Sisters.
I started doing IG Live conversations to work through some of the topics I want to write about, and even created an email thingy that people can sign up for to get updates on it.
Today my goal was to import all of the email addresses I’ve received from the questionnaire onto MailChimp, which means I have to sort through each entry, grab the email & enter it into mailchimp manually. As I was going through the entries I found that someone had spewed hateful things all over their form before pressing submit.
The results read:
“This is fake – you’re only doing this to make money”
“I can’t believe the shit rich white girls do with their education”
My first thought was, LOL
Then I was like LOL someone spent their time doing this….
Then I felt sad that someone spent their time doing this.
Then it started to sink in…
& it definitely stirred something inside of me.
My stomach knotted up, my hands got cold & goosebumps popped up on my arms & neck.
Then, by the grace of God, my brain kicked in and I thought –
I really upset someone’s comfort zone.
Then I went on to analyze what was in front of me.
The words this person decided to use sounded really angry.
In fact, that they called me “rich & white” means they CLEARLY don’t know me so really what they said probably had NOTHING to do with me and everything to do with something going on with them.
They must be taking something out on me, probably because something I said or did hit a tender spot for them.
But it’s not always so easy to logic your way out of how you feel.
Even after I got home the self-doubt I’ve been struggling with lately came out to play.
Maybe I’m not good enough, maybe I am stupid & I am wrong. Maybe what I have to say doesn’t matter.
But I’ve been training my mind of these moments, so instead of wallowing it (well – I did for a few minutes)
, I pulled out my laptop and decided to write.
I did that for 2 reasons.
Writing is one of my tools to process confusing thoughts & emotions.
This is Cyber Bullying. & It’s not okay & we are going to talk about it.
After the initial shock of the situation, I thought how could you be so careless with your words?
I have a fucking t-shirt that says so.
Galit & I talked and she said “They must not know their power”
This hit me like a rock. & if it didn’t hit you, go back and read it again.
“They must not know their power”
If you feel like you’re not being heard, you scream.
If you feel out of control, you punch.
If you feel like you’re not being seen, you cause a scene.
This is the danger of someone who doesn’t know OR own their power.
They can be really damaging.
See, you have an impact whether you want to or not.
You have an impact whether you realize it or not.
You have an impact. & it can be positive or not.
Unfortunately for this person, I like to process things by sharing.
I’m sure they didn’t think that their entries would end up on my Instagram, or their words on my blog.
Actually, I don’t think they even stopped to think that I would see it at all.
Or that their words would affect me….
Probably because they aren’t used to being heard.