Just For Now

If you were to ask me what my mind is like today, I would say “Thumbtacks”.

I feel like Thumbtacks are flying at me. Not in a purposefully hurtful way…. they are just kind of throwing themselves at me. It’s just happening. 
It means I have a lot (too many) projects – tiny projects right now. Small projects and things to do that can either help me set up things for my future or just become a pain in the ass. 
And at the beginning, it’s very hard to tell which one is which. 
I feel like a lot of things are like that. 
Today I got to hang out with my friend Zach. We went to the 360 bridge in Austin and did a little photoshoot for his brand Live A Great Story (@LIVEAGREATSTORY). Afterwards, we got breakfast tacos and chatted about the pressing matters of life and purpose.

And the thumbtacks started flying. 

I’ve met so many beautiful souls, connected with countless creative people and I want to help them, be their friends, scratch their backs…. and they want to do the same thing for me. The trouble is that most of us are still stumbling around with thumbtacks trying not to get hurt.

He understood. He said he was in the same boat. “You don’t know what you’re doing, but you’re doing it.” SOML….

Later I got to chat with my girl Lauren. We’ve been encouraging each other for almost a year now and met through her company Every Ella (@everyella). She swears she can see my growth – I think she’s crazy, but also a lot like me so maybe I’m crazy too. We talked about our thumbtacks- The things in our lives that we are passionate about and excited to accomplish, but we also just don’t quite have the capacity to do yet. Whether that’s a money issue, or a time issue, or a priority issue, whatever it may be, it’s just a little bit out of reach right now.
I laid out all of my thumbtacks in front of her and asked for her opinion. Then she said “Annabelle, if you could mentor yourself right now, what would you say? What would you tell you?”
I laughed, very hard. Too hard. That was a damn good question. I gave her an answer I didn’t like, but it was the truth. “I’d probably tell myself to keep doing what I’m doing, keep being me and don’t give up. It will work out…..eventually.”

Not the answer I wanted because I can’t SEE what ‘it will work out’ looks like! I have no idea what that means. 

I guess I just have to keep trying to decorate my future with my thumbtacks and just hope it all works out.