THIS POST WAS WRITTEN MARCH 22 2018
I feel full… and not the happy, warm kind of full.
I’m not myself.
It’s scary because I don’t know how I got to this point.
My roommate came into my room last night. She sat next to me on my carpet and handed me a cup of tea. “I’m worried about you.” She said. “Your energy has shifted, what’s going on?”
I’m realizing that I’m not JUST a businesswoman, I’m an artist.
An artist who happens to be good at business.
And the only thing being an artist means is that I create things in order to translate my love, energy, and purpose into the world.
It’s a spiritual thing.
But this season I’ve realized that being an artist has to come FIRST if I’m going to stay balanced.
Being an artist & cultivating my spirituality has to be a priority.
I had a hard time receiving such a huge compliment, but it stuck with me and has been ringing in my head lately.
I stumbled upon this quote in the introduction and it stopped me.
“We see God as a creator but seldom see creator as the literal term for artist” – Julia Cameron
My favorite argument for keeping myself in an unhealthy work situation is “but I’m learning a lot.”
THAT’S why I feel so full of emptiness.
I’m neglecting my creativity, the part of me that lives in direct communication with my creator.
I kept lifting my hands from my keyboard to my face as I wrote this because the formation of these sentences allowed me to process this concept & I feel so much clearer now than I did before.
And that’s what I was meant to do.
I was meant to be writing.
I was meant to be creating.
All of this to say, having a job I like isn’t a bad thing.
I just can’t let fear & insecurity take control of my life & neglect to cultivate my artistry in the process.
One is needed to survive, the other is needed to live.